Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize