He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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