I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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