just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
