her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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