I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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