so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
