Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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