i think i have herpe
just one?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
