you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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