If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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