Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
