plz talk dirty to me
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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