She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
