you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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