I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
