how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
