i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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