Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
