I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
