I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I want her autograph on my taint
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
