He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
