hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
