Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
