when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
