Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
