dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
