i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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