I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
