Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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