I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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