The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
