I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
