I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize