Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My liver just had a heart attack.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
