Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
