Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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