I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
