Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
is wine microwaveable?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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