he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
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just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
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the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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