This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
How external is "for external use only"?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
