Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
