I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
