My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
