I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
