Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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