I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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