my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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