My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
