Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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