A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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