the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
