He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
