We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
