she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
