The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
