SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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