I want to walk on stilts...naked
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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