Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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