Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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