turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
