Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
