I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
