You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
