I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
