he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
