We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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