Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
