You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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