My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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