And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
