I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.