Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?